Several infinite lifes later…
There is an icy feeling within my chest, beneath my skin- the skin which has betrayed me one too many times. This feeling shoots pain throughout my body, it wrecks havoc upon my nerves for it seems to tick and jolt at random intervals, there is no stopping it. A nervous tick perhaps, maybe it is just rot infected fresh wounds which chills and pains my body, but I have a feeling there is a greater being at work here. Something is toying with me, some grander being, something beyond my comprehension perhaps. Unfathomably declining my health, where once a healthy human was, now a rotted sack of sagging skin now sits crumpled in a corner. My home is a corner on the edge of the world, I look up and see another world above me, a reflection in the calm surface of water which the sky seems a part of, I wish my breath could come easy, I wish hunger pains were my greatest distress. There are tiny creatures in my eyes, showing me things I should not see, and a trash bag full of severed heads whispering softly maddening rambles of dire consequence to me. Is there nothing of relief to be found here, at the edge of the world? I thought myself once there was nothing more left, but peering over the edge I see so many tunnels jetting out, so many caverns and pipes- creatures flying about- I would roll off but the abyss terrifies me more even than relief could be granted from ceasing all the pains I feel now. I paid my speech, my arms, and legs to an old man who promised to take me here, the edge of the world where I could stop and stare, to see the secrets the universe had to offer- but now I am defeated by the crushing weight of their profundity. I cannot walk, nor talk, nor write of the answers I have found- my taxi here has left long ago- a one way ticket… There is nothing of mercy to be found here, an endless desert sprawled out behind me- and the edge of the abyss in front- I would have sooner offered my eyes and ears if I was allowed to make a change, I’d rather not hear the secrets whispered any more, I’d rather not see of things never meant for me.
I realized before I could think any further a shape moving beneath the sand in front of me, the sand shifting lighting and a terrible taste entering my mouth- … that could not be! Or at least, I thought that so, even though where I was at would have allowed anything I still found no answers to this puzzling question- until vines grew out the side of my torso, just below where my old arms were- and I could almost feel them- whilst certainly able to move them- I dug at the sand in front of me which was making muffled noise – I uncovered a pair of lips, which breathed in rhythm with me, and when I thought it spoke- aloud everything in my head. Could this be the mouth that was stolen from me?… The whispering from the severed heads inside of their clear trash bag stopped all at once- and my mouth attached back to my head, snapping there like a magnet- I took in a deep breathe- not realizing that also my eyes had stopped granting me profound visions- I coughed out what seemed like a pound of sand before being able to take calm breaths again. I heard the flapping of wings now, and before I could peer over the edge of the abyss to see what it might be- the grand black winged creature made its entrance, the onyx feathers were all over its body which was oddly slender, and partially hidden under terribly torn rags- it had no face, but a human shape to its head- it had a large mouth and carried with it an immense sense of dread- which it seemed to have no problem granting me. From under its cloak with its bird like talons it pulled out a large trunk of some sorts, it was stained with the wear of time- a thick layer of dust which seemed not to wipe away even as the dreadful bird creature danced its claws over to the lock upon the front- with a tap it came undone and the chunk of iron which locked the chest went plummeting into the abyss. I attempted to speak, but in place of my words was a chunk of flesh- something cold and beating- it was at this point I realized the pain in my chest had stopped, but at the same time I felt a great emptiness within me- I coughed out the chunk of flesh which was followed by a few drops of blood as it floated through the air in front of me towards the chest of that winged beast- the slender feminine figure seemed graceful in each of its movements- it barely flapped its wings, but it was terrifying all at once, my eyes felt heavy and strained- the image began to blur, I could make out the flesh now- it was my heart which left me- the pain that I had felt was gone because it was replaced with emptiness, something which seemed oddly to sting just a bit deeper than that pain I had felt. In a swift motion the creature closed the box- tucked it back under its robes, and dived into the abyss, I brought my vine like arms to my face only to see them wither and wash away in front of me… my mouth sunk off as well- and crawled back into the ground- I was left alone again at the edge of the abyss, with nothing keeping me alive, though still clinging to life- no words to speak or air to breathe, no pain to feel… and something else which bothered me. Silence, the creatures in my eyes no longer moved- they sat there, still- they showed me no more images, the bag of heads had stopped whispering- the air no longer blew, the creatures that flew around earlier were now gone from the sky…
And yet, peace did not find me- even with this cool sensation seeming to encase my body, this profound silence which I seemed to be hearing for the first time- there was nothing I could do to cope with this feeling, no way for me to enjoy it. It would be an eternity before I decayed, nothing moved- the light was constant but there was no sun, no moon, no stars. There was the abyss- the bag of heads- my mouth in the sand. But instead of rolling off into the unknown, I sat in silence- until finally my matter turned to dust, I faded away into the sand- indistinguishable from it, leaving nothing behind- in time- many like me made their way here, they shifted through my with vinelike hands to fetch their mouths and see the creature, to have it steal their hearts and to watch them like me never roll off into the abyss.
We are together now in the sand, all who come to visit- finally at peace, and yet still eternally waiting- maybe those who learn such truths were always meant to turn to dust, mayb they were never meant to enter the abyss- but to be presented it- tauntingly, as if a test- they may either exist with all their questions answered- or roll off into the abyss knowing what would happen to them their- to live without a heart and decay slowly into sand, a desert of knowledge where no lessons seemed to be learned. One in which all make the same mistakes.
After one infinite time length had passed over twice a flock of the bird creatures came to the desert and began to consume the sands- the people who had knowledge untold, even I was devoured- but happily so, for I became one with this creature- melding with its consciousness- a crowded room where my pleasures were granted to me, where I found company. At the edge of the world, after having my senses ripped from me- to sit still for two eternities, to become dust after infinite time had passed- now the greatest and most heavenly pleasure was granted me after being consumed by one of the many bird creatures, a room full of those who knew as I- to speak and to feel, to have my senses back. And now, looking back upon it- I only wished that all could have come here, to experience this life after several infinite deaths- for it is here the only safety in the world could ever be truly granted.
It is here I live my life for the first time.
W/LOVE – June