The conference room is stiff and well dressed. Big executive types line the end of the table opposite of two large opening doors. They’re trying to strike a deal with their latest prospective client, Mr. Kenny Bunny.  “K.B.” would prove an invaluable asset to their new holiday marketing campaign.

The name of this massive entity is Big Red Monster (Corp.) or BRM for short. BRM was responsible for Santa’s worldwide  success in soda, apparel, and countless merchandising opportunities. They pinned down every possible consumer avenue. Their hands were in the pockets of the clueless consumer, always. If the abundance of product placement wasn’t enough to have a buyer scrambling to buy BRM merchandise, than the heart-stopping appeal to sentimentalism would be the final nail in the coffin so to speak.

The meeting jumped to a start, initiated by Kenny B’s AGENT. He came in strong and confident, as one of these ruthless, go get-em , business types.

AGENT: My Client would barely find the motivation to role out of bed every day to the tune of the modest fee you offered over the phone last week. You blew it gentlemen. IM CALLING YOUR BLUFF. You came into this like WE needed YOU, but in reality, YOU need US. Kids are growing tired of the same brown sugar water on the holidays. They want chocolates and gummies and marshmallows. They want a friendly, furry marketing icon. Something that will deliver happiness and gifts for years to come. You need this. You need Kenny Bunny….

BRM: Representative stood slowly, glancing to the left and right as if he was hoping someone else would deliver their multi-billion dollar company from its vulnerable negotiation. He proceeded clearly.

BRM REP:  We are in negotiations with another prospective face of easter. His connections to our target audiences is a bit more traditional. But I think his pull is powerful, and deeply rooted into personal belief systems, making him an icon for a large base of consumers. So I don’t believe you can say you are our only option.

Kenny B’s agent retorted in a downhill verbal assault.

AGENT:  Who are you referring to? The Nazarene Minister!? You can’t be serious. The guy dies and comes back from the dead, then he writes one book, and you think that’s unique enough of a selling proposition to our audience?? Let me tell you gentlemen something….the torture, and selflessness. That’s good and all, but plainly put, people want to be entertained. Anyways, those prophetic dudes are hardly marketable. I mean, you heard some of things he said about money?  Wait till you hear this idea Kenny has!! This bunny is a genius. Go-ahead Kenny! Tell em!

Kenny Bunny: “Yeahhh that’s right! We is gonna take some eggs and….well, THE KEY IS EGGS! Isn’t that crazy? Eggs!! We let the kids color-em and decorate them up all nice right. Cuz them kids love to color stuff and scribble on things. Then we get other hollow eggs, and sell those, so kids can find the ones that parents hide…But get this. In those eggs, is OUR CANDY, that they bought!! HAHAHA eggs with candy in them!! The parents will be scrambling to buy our stuff to fill all those eggs with. It’s fail proof. BUT THATS NOT ALL. Easter baskets in every home full of brightly colored assortments of easter candies, grass, giant chocolate molds of my face. Limitless possibilities to expand. Anyone that wants in on making easter bunny products, must allow us a handsome percentage of the capital.

Kenny Bunny and his aggressive agent partner were far too potentially profitable for the Big Red Monster Corp. to refuse. BRM signed their agreeables and began a lifelong partnership that captivated the hearts of children worldwide….and it made lots of money.

 

With Love,

The Creative C*ult

P.S.  beware of human-sized bunny frauds.